Gestern Abend habe ich meinem Sohn die Mutterschaft gekündigt. Mein Sohn ist dreieinhalb. Es kam so, weil er den neuen Mickey Mouse Pyjama nicht anziehen wollte. Den habe ich ihm erst vor zwei Tagen gekauft.
Pyjama, das ist für mich nicht einfach ein Kleidungsstück, das ist für mich eine Institution. Mein Vater trug immer gestreifte Pyjamas, mal grau, mal dunkelblau, irgendwie elegant. Das war damals in Rumänien, in der Kleinstadt, wo ich herkomme. Der Pyjama meines Vaters roch eigenartig, nach einer Mischung aus Schweiß und Talg und Parfüm oder einfach nur nach Körper. Damals badete man auch nicht täglich. Der Mensch roch nach sich selbst. Ich mochte es, ich fand als Kind, dass Geruch viel über einen Menschen erzählt. Meinen Vater zum Beispiel konnte ich gut riechen.
Der Pyjama ist das Zeichen dafür, dass man ein geordnetes zuhause hat, wo man zu geregelten Zeiten ins Bett geht, dass Tag und Nacht streng von einander getrennt sind, dass zwei Welten, das Helle und das Dunkle, sich nur kurz berühren, wenn man sich umzieht. Die Tageskleidung zieht man aus und legt es auf einen dafür vorgesehen Halter, der neben dem Bett steht. Es wird sorgsam gefaltet, die Dinge haben Wert. Die Hose muss Jahre halten. Und dann kommt die Kleidung, die für die Nacht vorgesehen ist. Die muss warm halten, es gibt keine Zentralheizung. Niemand liegt nackt im Bett.
Pyjama hat für mich was mit Ordnung zu tun. Mit Rhythmus. Jemand, der in der Nacht besoffen ins Bett fällt zieht garantiert keinen Pyjama an. Generell zieht einer, der erst ruhen kann, wenn er umfällt, keinen Pyjama an. Vor dem umfallen hat man keine Zeit dafür, Pyjamas anzuziehen. Die Süchtigen, die Dekadenten, die Ausschweifenden, die haben keine Pyjamas. Die schlafen nackt oder in Klamotten oder in irgendwas, was sie kurz vorher in die Hände kriegen… Mein Sohn jedenfalls soll im Pyjama schlafen.
Nach der Schule, als ich zu Hause auszog um in eine weitere rumänische Kleinstadt zum studieren zu gehen, schaffte ich den Pyjama ab. Ich schlief Jahre lang angezogen, manchmal sogar mit Schuhen an. Das kam daher, dass ich fast jede Nacht auf einer Party im Sitzen einschlief oder umfiel. Meist in einem Sessel oder auf einer Sofa. Es kommt mir vor, als wäre immer Winter gewesen. Die Räume waren eisig kalt. Ich erinnere mich tagelang mich nicht ausgezogen zu haben, weil ich von einer Party direkt zur Uni gerannt bin und dann direkt auf die nächste Party.
Heute besitze ich wieder ein Nachthemd. Meine Mutter schenkte es mir neulich zu Weihnachten. Es ist aus einem dicken Stoff, ohne Ausschnitt, langärmlig, mit winzigen Blümchen drauf. Ein echter Liebestöter. Aber es soll dabei auch nicht um Liebe gehen. Sondern um Ordung. Um Tradition. Genau die gleichen Nachthemden hatte meine Mutter auch. Und meine Groß- und Urgroßmutter. Wenn ich es anziehe spüre ich sofort das 19. Jahrhundert an mir haften, ich sehe eine lange Linie von Frauen, die keinen Spaß am Sex hatten und das war auch nicht weiter schlimm. Sie wollten nach dem ganzen Streß den ganzen Tag mit den vielen Kindern einfach nur ihre Ruhe haben. Das will ich auch. Ich bin gerne altmodisch, verkorkst und unerotisch, ich hasse es mich zu rasieren. Ich erinnere mich daran, wie schön meine Mutter war, in ihrem ärmellosen Abendkleid aus Goldlammé, wo man die langen Achselhaare gut sehen konnte… Ich habe mit diesem Nachthemd zu meinen Wurzeln zurück gefunden.
Neben mir liegt mein deutscher Ehemann immer nackt. Wenn er morgens aufsteht, sitzt er nackt, er rennt nackt durch die Wohnung, er kommt vom duschen nackt zurück. Er besitzt keinen einzigen Pyjama, er besitzt keine Hausschuhe, keine häusliche Kleidung. Er trennt nicht zwischen Sachen, für ihn ist alles gleich, er kocht in seinem schönsten Hemd und geht ins Theater in zerlöcherten T-Shirts. Für ihn gelten keine Regeln, nur das Lustprinzip. Er ist eben ein Großstädter, ein Sohn aus freiheitlichem wohlhabenden Haushalt, wo man Kindern nicht vorschrieb, was sie anzuziehen hatten. Wo man sich ein Dreck drum scherte „was andere denken”. Bei uns war das eben sehr wichtig. Das individuelle war nebensächlich. Vermutlich hatte sein Papa auch Pyjamas, doch mein Mann verspürt keinerlei Verlangen danach, alte Traditionen auszugraben. Die Fußstapfen seines Vaters möchte er lieber meiden. Mein Mann ist modern. Er lebt in einer futuristischen Welt vom schnellen Internet. Er schläft meist erst, wenn er vor dem Bildschirm umfällt. Rhythmus widerstrebt ihm. Mit dem 19 Jahrhundert hat er nichts zu tun.
Da liegen jede Nacht Kleinstadt und Großstadt, Rumänien und Deutschland neben einander, die Sehnsucht nach Tradition in einem Liebestöter und der begeisterte Futurist, wie er von Gott geschaffen wurde. Arm in Arm. Dazwischen der Sohn, rothaarig, halb deutsch – halb Siebenbürger ungarisch, zweisprachig, in seinem kurzen Leben schon zwanzig mal geflogen. Mit einer Mama, die ihm unbedingt Pyjamas anziehen will und einem Papa, der sie dafür leise belächelt. Was der Mama so wichtig ist, hält der Papa meist für kleinlichen Unsinn. Und ja, er hat Recht. Die Mama ist eine echte Kleinstadtspießerin auch nach fünfzehn Jahren Berlin. Und das ist auch gut so. Der Sohn soll das Beste aus alldem behalten. Seine Ruhe finden, ohne dass er umfällt. Er soll Pyjamas tragen und trotzdem frei sein.
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| В чём различия экранов
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Arbitration might be finished with parents consulting with one another or otherwise. Before mediation, each party must submit an existing Family Regulation Financial Affidavit with the Clerk of Court. Parties with children are needed to bring a draft of a Parenting Plan to the mediation.
if they can not get to negotiation … A moderator is not a court. They can not authorize paperwork to conclude a case like a court. They likewise can not make the celebrations consent to anything. It holds true as well that a lot of pairs to a divorce wind up with three attorneys: the arbitrator(that is normally a lawyer), a legal representative for the hubby and an attorney for the spouse. UNDERSTANDING THE OTHER INDIVIDUAL’S POINT OF VIEW … You can possibly describe how the other person has actually acted and exactly how her/his habits has influenced you. And, you might possibly call the most vital concerns to you in the dispute. All of that is great due to the fact that you will require to review these things in mediation. An event that wrongfully refuses to pay mediation fees
Testimonial Mediation Procedure, Frequently Asked Question’s/ Rules And Fees
You are not called for to endanger, nonetheless, mediated agreements often will certainly consist of compromises offered by one or both celebrations. Many on the internet arbitrations occur over a video conferencing site such as Zoom, Skype, or Google Hangouts. All you need is a tool that can link to the internet in addition to a microphone and electronic camera. Many clients utilize a laptop or desktop computer for their on-line arbitration, while others can utilize a tablet or mobile phone.
Nevertheless, it is not immune from the technological modifications which impact public life and inter-personal relationships at multiple levels. We’re all made use of to physical distancing because of the coronavirus pandemic, however even when health and wellness isn’t a concern, not needing to fulfill face-to-face can be a plus– particularly in a separation. Online mediation professionals Clare Fowler and Colin Rule take you with the use of video conferencing software in arbitration with a concentrate on one of the most prominent platform, Zoom. Relied on Mediators attend to the issues which are essential to you without seeking to mount your conflict in a needlessly legalistic way. We use a multidisciplinary method to mediation by fusing lawful and commercial with psychological and emotional reconciliation techniques. The problem beneath is normally far more intricate, and requires to be uncovered and attended to in order to move forward and the expedition stage of the mediation is where this begins.
Use Of Ai Tools
Based upon these outcomes, the pandemic appears to have awoken moderators to the advantages of mediating online. Many arbitrators report renovations in accessibility to participants (81%), in time efficiency (80%), and in price efficiency (72%) moderating online. A considerable number additionally observe advantages arising from the relative adaptability of online mediation (45%) consistent with reported adjustments in procedure mentioned over. Several conciliators mentioned in optional remarks that a benefit of on-line mediation is that participants seem to really feel even more comfy signing up with from their very own environments than conference personally. Embracing the developments of modern technology, Zoom and online mediations streamline the procedure, amplify access, and enhance comfort, representing a considerable and dynamic evolution in the area of dispute resolution. If you have actually been influenced by these 100 factors and are considering how virtual arbitrations might benefit your scenario, do not wait.
If celebrations desire to refer to papers that have not formerly been supplied, Zoom has a switch that allows you to share electronic or scanned documents with the other individuals. Sharing a paper brings it up on component of the display to ensure that all individuals can see it. Parties might be attracted to “fire” each other (sending hostile or insulting messages) on e-mail or desert the procedure completely when irritated. Finally, given that disputants commonly pick local conciliators by means of word of mouth, they might be less trusting of arbitrators whom they select rather randomly online.
A vital part of the process is the pre-mediation screening meetings, which take place independently. If the arbitration is occurring totally on-line, it is most likely that it will certainly occur over a series of much shorter sessions of a few hours, as opposed to an entire day. The process may therefore be stretched out over a collection of days or weeks rather than happening all in eventually. The conciliator normally begins by outlining the various stages and reminding parties of the key attributes of mediation. They’ll reiterate the confidential nature of the process and advise every person that they are independent and unbiased and therefore will not take sides or get to any choices.
The mediator will certainly likewise encourage the parties to speak straight to each other and share details. At the start of arbitration you just get to see what gets on the surface area of the dispute. There are a variety of other papers that the arbitrator requires to prepare and if you are a newly certified moderator then it’s important to have all these in one area and assessed and upgraded when required. It will additionally include what the arbitrators charges are and when and exactly how they have to be paid. In some nations like Ireland, it likewise needs to cover points like the right to independent lawful recommendations.
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Что же отличает дисплеи iPhone 15 и iPhone 15 Plus от их предшественников?
| В чём отличия экранов iPhone 15 и iPhone 15 Plus
по сравнению с предыдущими моделями?
| Чем iPhone 15 и iPhone 15 Plus отличаются в плане дисплея от
прошлых поколений?
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Ich versuche seit geraumer Zeit, aus unserem Mutter-Vater-4Kinder-Haushalt eine “WG” mit verteilten Verantwortlichkeiten zu machen. Aber bis auf mich finden alle (2 x 11, 14, 16, 46) das Mama-Prinzip in Anstellung auf Lebenszeit anheimelnder. Kündigungen werden nicht angenommen…
Liebe Réka, deine Schwiegermama ist so banal, dass sie denkt:
die einen frieren, den andern ist zu warm.
die einen sehen immer, wenn das Kind zu frieren droht, die andern, wenn’s zu warm zu werden scheint (der Vater deines nackten Mannes rannte immer mit Mützen hinter den Kindern her!)
Woran hält sich wohl Vincent in dreißig Jahren? man könnte vermuten, dass er sich an nix hält.
Mit Kindern Regeln finden – das braucht’s nun mal. Oma-Tip: nehmt aus dem reichhaltigen Angebot nur solche, die den unvermeidbaren Durchsetzungsstress lohnen.
Statt Mutterschaftskündigung kriegst du von mir einen Mutterpreis: bei euch kann man gut lernen, dass Ihr jedem, der mit euerm Kind zu tun hat, seine eigenen Regeln zugesteht – und da Eltern nicht eine Person, sondern zwei sind – wo liegt das Problem?
Liebe Reka,
sehr schöner Text!
Du stellst den Kleinen vor eine grosse Aufgabe, wenn nicht gar vor ein Paradoxon. Mit einem Pyjama möge er den den Geist des 19. Jahrhunderts hinauf beschwören. Auf diesem prangt allerdings Micky Mouse, eine der größten Ikone der Popkultur und Ausdruck der westlichen kapitalistischen Welt des 20. Jahrhundert in seiner proaktiven Form. Micky Mouse schreit nicht gerade nach Ruhe. Honi soit qui mal y pense. (Ja bitte! Herkunft des Ausdrucks nachlesen, wie immer bei Wikipedia: http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hosenbandorden).
Wie wäre es, Du versuchst es mal mit so einem klassischen Herrenschlafanzug en miniature. Baumwolle, frisch gebügelt, mit Streifen oder Karomuster. Ein Schlafanzug wie man ihn zu Pantoffeln tragen würde, mit einem Oberhemd, vielleicht auch in Hellblau mit dem dezenten Müsterchen eines feinen italienischen Herrenhemdes. Bei dem man jeden Knopf einzeln schließt, quasi als ritualsmässiges Herunterfahren in den Ruhemodus.
Den Micky pappst Du dann auf ein T- Shirt für tagsüber beim Spielen, Planschen und Buddeln.
Mir scheint, Euer Sohn verfügt über ein hervorragendes Zeitgefühl, sogar bereits über Jahrhunderte hinweg. Da bin ich sehr zuversichtlich, dass es auch mit den kleinen, tagtäglichen Zeiteinteilungen in Tag und Nacht, On und Off klappt.
tut sehr gut das zu lesen. ich glaube ich bin auf dem besten weg eine echte siebenbürgische hausdrache zu werden. ich warte ungeduldig auf die nächsten folgen…
Ja meine liebe Réka, dass ich da selbst noch nicht drauf gekommen bin: die Mutterschaft einfach kündigen. Das hab ich dann heute auch gleich mit meinem Sohn gemacht. Fristlos. Bisschen spät, ich hätte schon viel früher aussteigen sollen, aber besser spät als nie.
Der Anlass? Ach nix besonders, nur die üblichen Querelen: Hausaufgaben, Lernen, Zimmer aufräumen, Mitdenken, keine sauberen Sachen in die Wäsche schmeißen, mal ein bisschen Verantwortung übernehmen, respektvolles Miteinander….
Was muss ich alles falsch gemacht haben, dass der Kerl so schlecht erzogen ist? Die nehmen den in so nen Schwererziehbaren-Camp in Russland bestimmt.
Ach, endlich auch Schluss mit den Selbstvorwürfen und –zweifeln. Kündigung. Basta. Cooool. Ein neues Leben beginnt. Von jetzt an geht es nur noch um mich, meine Belange. Ich koche das, was ich mag, wasche, wann ich Bock habe, eingekauft wird nur noch selten – ich brauch ja eigentlich nix, Geld für Klamotten? Zum Snowboarden? Nix da. Nicht mehr mein Job. Poah, wie viel Kohle dann endlich für MICH übrig bleibt. Ich freue mich schon!
Sag mal, geht das mit der Partnerschaft auch? Der geht mir nämlich auch echt auf’n Geist. Hab nur den Verdacht, dass ich da mit einer Frist rechnen muss, so einfach kommt man da nicht raus oder? Hättest du da vielleicht einen Tipp für mich?
Jaja, ich kann mich einfach trennen, ich hab ja nicht geheiratet!
Nur: Das gemeinsame Konto ist überzogen, der Keller voll mit gemeinsamem Müll, der Mietvertrag läuft auf beide. Den Typen kann ich auch nicht einfach in ein Camp stecken…
Also, wenn dir was einfällt, du weißt ja, wie du mich erreichen kannst…
Schöner Blog übrigens: Ja genau, historische Frauen an die Macht!
Nach der Wende wollte ich nichts lieber als einen Mickey Mouse Pullover oder Schlafanzug oder T-Shirt oder was auch immer. Am besten alles auf einmal. Damals war ich acht. Meine Mutter war leider der Meinung kapitalistisches Westgut kommt ihr nicht ins Haus… Fünf Jahre später lag plötzlich auf meinem Geburtstagstisch ein weißer Pullover mit einer riesen Mickey Mouse vorne auf. Mittlerweile war ich dreizehn… und wollte eine Levis Jeans… Die bekam ich leider nie
Schlafanzüge sammelt meine Mutter übrigens heute noch, man kann ja nie wissen. Ich schätze ihre Auswahl nimmt mindestens soviel Platz ein wie ihre Pulloverabteilung.
Der Mickey Mouse Pullover landete irgendwann ungetragen in der Altkleidersammlung – schade eigentlich. Heute würde ich ihn ja glatt doch mal anziehen
Lieber Hausdrache… danke fürs Schreiben!
szupi rékám…
talál hozzád, jó látni hogy nem változol…
puszi
Ich kann mich an die Tage erinnern, wo ich wegen der Frühschicht sehr früh aufstehen musste und manchmal war ich schon am frühen Nachmittag, nachdem ich nach Hause kam, unbeschreiblich müde. Ich habe mich dann immer ganz nackt ins Bett beworfen und gleich weggepennt. Ich hätte mich nicht vorstellen können, mich den Schlaf und das Leben noch mit zusätzlichen Kleidern zu beschweren. Die Zeiten waren dann endlich vorbei und ich habe an manchen glücklicheren, seltenen Abenden wieder nackt eingeschlafen, weil ich nicht wollte, dass gar noch so hauchdünne Seidennegligées mich von Ihm trennen. Ich wollte nur seine Haut spüren, Ihn einatmen durch meine Haut, auch im Schlaf. Jetzt habe ich eine im Sommer erdrückend heisse Dachgeschosswohnung – als einzige Grund zum Nacktschlafen… Ich verstehe den Schrei nach Freiheit, unbesorgt und unbekleidet sein zu wollen…
Liebe Reka,
Dein Mann ist dafür aber sehr ordentlich. Hat das nicht auch etwas mit Rhythmus und Tradition zu tun? Euer Sohn liegt wenigstens zwischen zwei Welten und kann sich aussuchen welcher Welt er sich anschließt (oder eine eigene gründen). Ich beneide Dich um diesen Konflikt. Mein Sohn musste seiner Mutter heute 4 Stunden beim Weinen zusehen, weil sein Vater mit seiner “Neuen” sich eine glückliche kleine Familie erträumt zusammen mit meinem Sohn (natürlich ohne mich). Wem soll ich jetzt kündigen?
Um zu Deinem Beitrag zurück zu kommen: Ich finde ihn toll geschrieben und kann Dich total gut verstehen (auch wenn ich das Bild von Deinem nackten Mann und dem Neffen meines Pfarrers so schnell nicht mehr aus dem Kopf bekomme….. vielen Dank dafür
HouseGorilla grüßt Hausdrachen.
Suoer!